#84

Work asked me to come to California to train someone for a week. I said sure because I always like visiting the office.

I left Corvallis at 2pm. Shuttle ride was delayed by traffic - leading to side streets the entire way to Portland - arrived 6pm. My flight was delayed while en route, to 720pm take off time. I landed 840 pm in Sacramento, but that connectors was delayed 4 hours. I cancelled my Lyft for 1045pm and got a rental because I will need it this week after all. We landed in Ontario at 130am.

The airport rental offices were all closed, even the preferred renters who are supposed to still be guaranteed their vehicle that night. 2am we are all back at the terminal asking who is in charge - nobody. Absolutely nobody - per cleaning staff. Lyft arrived 245am after I booked one like everyone else. Hotel staff was out to lunch when I arrived at 3am. Waited until 330am. Finally in my room, unpacked, stuff my Del Taco in my mouth and emptied my travel bags.

I have to get up in 30 minutes to iron my clothes for work and Lyft back to Ontario Airport to get my rental at 6am when Budget opens. I will require them to remove one day from the price since they were closed when I arrived at 130am.

Why do I tell all of you this? I'm alive and I'm safe. Through all of that frustration and delay and fatigue, I'm still here and I'm not harmed. There are places in this world where that isn't the case, on a daily basis. Don't forget how lucky we are.

Love each other and make someone smile today.

#83

My Older Son...

When he was a baby I struggled. My OCD makes me thrive on consistency and sameness and when he was different than Gabrielle, who was basically the perfect baby, I became highly frustrated internally while racking my brain to figure what I was doing wrong to cause him to be different. Silly me, learning to be a Dad for the second time.

Once I got used to the fact he was just going to be different and it wasn't me and that I would need to adjust to him being his own person and there was nothing I could do to control the experience I had the frustration went away. What remained was Ann having a hard time getting him to sleep at night, until we figured out he needed my scent. It was me he needed to smell to be ok to sleep. She started keeping a warm shirt of mine with her and took one on the vacation her and the kids went on with her parents while I was stuck in CA for work.

I resorted to falling asleep with him on my chest, like my Dad did with me, on the couch usually. Then he grew a bit and starting eating a ton of things including his Grandfather Valdivia's cereal - and Trevor was the only person Grandpa would share his cereal with.

Then he grew some more and his eating habits became very restricted which caused Ann and I a to become frustrated again. That has gotten better over the years, thankfully and he had other quirks about his listening, his emotions, his speech and his own particular thought patterns.

He hit 10 years old this April and something happened inside of him I didn't expect. He gets up early sometimes, on his own, before anybody and makes coffee for Ann and I. He loves to make me breakfast. He always comes to see how my day has been, which is usually challenging because I work in Service. He has started to make very mature, responsible decisions on his own, around us an on his own, with us finding out later.

One morning he cooked me breakfast I caught him looking at house advertisements which is one thing he really loves to do. He looked so grown up to me in that moment, and as far as he has come with growing up, I want it to slow down. He's 10 and he becoming a young man faster than I expected and sometimes it makes me speechless.

Talk about someone who makes you proud...I love you, Son.

#82

I haven't posted in a long time because life - but I owe all of you an apology for being followers. Thank you for the support. This one was hard to type up.

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We miss you.

It's been a few weeks since we last saw you and it will be a while longer until the next time. The family got to see each other again, because of you - like always. Photos, memories and stories are where you will remind us of everything you were. We got to celebrate you together and bond again and continue how you taught us to love each other. Cook and feed each other. Hug and kiss each other. The house is never too small for more family. Don't sweat the small things and always smile.

After we got home and the pain was still fresh it was easy to let my mind fall into the idea of you being gone one evening, but on my drive to the store that evening the sunset was truly one of a kind. I pulled over and took a photo of it because it reminded me of how beautiful your soul is...and it helped me feel better knowing you are never gone.

We love you, Nene.